Hurricane Conditions

"Hurricane Conditions Possible."  That's what our forecast says for this coming Thursday.  "Hurricane Conditions" is weather service shorthand for "If you look outside, the shit is likely to be hitting the fan."

It isn't the first time I've seen that forecast.  In my 17 years in southeast NC, I've been through more hurricanes than I care to remember.  Our location has the good fortune of being in a position not unlike a man's sex organs.  We hang low and stick out into the Atlantic as an open invitation to be swiftly kicked with heavy boots.

Personally, I'm an extreme weather nut.  I'd be out there with the lunatics chasing tornadoes in Oklahoma in vehicles bristling with weather instruments if I didn't have to earn a living.  One would think I couldn't wait for a huge storm to blow through.  Well, I'd love it if I didn't have to worry about the possible destruction of my home, business and the safety and comfort of my family.  Those concerns trump any excitement I feel when those first gusts of wind arrive.

Every time we experience a hurricane here, I'm a basket case.  On one hand I don't want to witness the forcible removal of our roof and subsequent torrents of rain pouring in and on the other, I find the raw power of nature irresistible and so I worry while I'm standing outside in the tempest being blown around and saturated with sheets of rain.  I'm thinking the best solution is probably sedation.

For the next three days, I will be the go-to guy for latest on the storm.  I'll have coordinates, wind speeds and barometric pressures ready and memorized for the asking... I'll be excited and concerned.  I'll be first at the beach Thursday to watch the thunderous breakers rolling in even if it is already windy and raining.  Well...maybe not.  The surfers are sure to beat me.  While I'm watching the waves, I'll be thinking about whether I needed to get plywood on the windows of my business (which has 5 huge six by eight foot windows thankfully facing west.)  Depending on how strong the storm is, I might evacuate from the area to preserve my sanity.  I'd rather come back to see it when it's all over than to be trapped in my house as it is torn apart from the outside.  If it's bad enough to leave, what will I take with me?  Surely the mental exercise will assist in my continuing quest to minimize possessions.

Hurricane Earl might help me out...in a twisted sort of way.

Do your worst, just don't make a mess.