You found WHAT? Cover your eyes if easily offended! I'm serious.

" You must see some interesting things in your line of work" an inquisitive auction customer says to me.  Indeed I do.  Sometimes I see things I don't WANT to see.

I can tell an awful lot about a person when I enter a house and sift through their belongings.  I get to view it all...especially when the seller is deceased  and we are told to go through EVERYTHING in order to properly inventory and assess value.  So I offer a caveat for the living.  If you got something you don't want anyone to find, you'd better bury it in the yard because if an executor sends our firm to handle the disposition of a deceased individual's assets....I'm going to find everything that person never wanted anyone to find.  Ask me...I'll tell you stories of things pulled from dark corners of closets that we didn't have the heart to turn over to any family member.  Lets just say there'd be a great deal of awkwardness.

I realize that nobody knows when they will get "sent for."  By the time the end is near, most people aren't very mobile so most often family and friends end up taking care of little things like bringing clean clothing and making sure the cat is fed.  It isn't often that someone's dying aunt pulls a family member over and whispers that they need to go to her house and get rid of that crumpled bag in the old luggage in the bedroom closet because it contains...well...a few potentially embarrassing things.  A riding crop and a leather mask.... maybe?  Something else?

It doesn't happen like that.

Nobody says anything about it.  Invariably, we find it...after the fact.

I wasn't surprised to find out that most people...old and young have dirty little secrets.  We're all a little debauched now and then...C'est normal.  Charity workers, dedicated parents, business leaders...everyone.  Believe me, I know.

So the next time you reach into the deep recesses of some drawer or behind the shelf unit in the den or even into the little cedar box that you hide in the rafters above the ceiling tiles....remember that someone, someday, will likely find whatever it is you are reaching for if you happen to leave this world without it.  It might be someone like me, which would be good since part of my job description involves being sensitive to the bereaved.  I'll make sure nobody cries more than they have to.  Promise.

Just something to think about......

No matter how well you think it might be hidden....think again.

I've gone and complicated my life a bit...a short renovation chronicle.

I used to love messing around with real estate.  I've been a broker for 18 years and have probably purchased and renovated at least that many properties.  Then, at some point I decided that I'd had enough.   Dealing with multiple properties meant dealing with mounds of assorted utility bills, maintenance issues and tenants who have a nervous breakdown if a door hinge develops an annoying squeak.  "It's so irritating and I really feel that since it is a maintenance issue, you should come and deal with it.  Can you come today?"  I'd wince and croak "Have you heard of WD-40? Get to know it....along with duct tape."

So...three years ago, I sold the last property I owned other than my personal residence.  Suddenly life got simpler and I absolutely relished it.  But real estate people are like restauranteurs.  No matter how irritated and pissed off our ventures make us, we can't seem to stay out of the grinder.  We secretly crave the feeling we get when our lives are turned upside down.  There must be some sick pleasure in yelling on the phone at a food purveyor who can't fill an order correctly or a tenant who is tardy with rent one too many times.

In the back of mind, I saw the real estate meltdown coming.  It simply wasn't possible to see 15%+ annual price gains forever, so when the disaster struck I was already sitting on the sidelines well on my way to a full simplification of my life.  In reality, the massacre of the local real estate market was far worse than anyone could have expected.  Foreclosures piled up and sellers went into panic mode, seizing whatever opportunity they had to make a deal with even lukewarm buyers.

Still an investor at heart, I couldn't help but watch closely as prices continued to tumble.  The few investors that had survived the mayhem were now poised to make once-in-a-lifetime deals....and they did.  The prospect of jumping back into the market suddenly became more than a passing thought.

For those who don't know, a recent sequence of events has resulted in my living in a wonderful little rental space in town.  It is small and cozy and perfect.  My dwelling provides me an excellent opportunity to test my resolve at living a (sort of) minimalist lifestyle.....but....I'm a real estate OWNER at heart.  As much sense as it makes to rent from a standpoint of maintenance and simplicity, I have this gnawing need to own my home...to have control over renovations, layout and choices of paint color.

To make a long story short,  I decided to toss some low ball offers into the ring to see what might happen.  "No, no, no...don't do it...not now." I thought, but apparently, no offer is too ridiculous in this market and against my better judgement, I'm now the owner of a cute 1100 square foot 1940's Sears and Roebuck house.  As of today, I've owned it for exactly 12 days and in that time an awful lot has happened.

The real estate fiasco has all but shut down new home construction.  Tradesman and sub contractors now occupy their time watching Judge Judy and doing odd jobs for neighbors so there's no shortage of eager folks with hammers, trowels and saws who'd jump at the chance for a substantial job.  As a result, in 12 days....the entire plumbing system has been replaced, the kitchen and bath have been tiled, and a new roof graces the upper section of the house.  What remains is some electrical work, an interior repaint and having the wood floors, which for years remained buried under ugly green carpet, refinished.

In better times, banging out these jobs at such a pace would have been impossible.  Wait times for the best and most skilled tradesman were often measured in months.  Now they ask if they can start tomorrow.  Personally, I enjoy working in a house where there's lots of banging, sawing and the occasional low thud of heavy construction material  or equipment hitting the floor.  I join in, crowbar in hand, removing crappy shelving or tearing up old tack strip from the hardwood.  I used to do a lot of the big stuff, but I'm no tradesman.  Although the results were typically satisfactory, it took weeks and even months longer than a skilled professional would take to knock it out.  I've since learned that time is money...and in the end, paying to get the job done quickly might actually save a few bucks in the long run.  Certainly now, more than ever, is a time you can get nearly anything done quickly.

First step....get all those old appliances out of the way...

Deep green carpet?  Umm....NOT!  It goes bye-bye.

Next step..removal of vanity made of "oatmeal" (particle board) and the fake tile board.

Someone was smoking crack when they chose this color.  Can you say "Kilz?"

Cement board going down where the cigarette burned linoleum was.

Off comes the old roof.  Dry forecast for a few days...

Hey, how'd the roof get in there?

Much better.

Not a bad result in the bathroom either.  The glass tile border was just a last minute idea that worked pretty well.

Gorgeous floors, but someone's dog had an incontinence problem.  Let there be big industrial, high amperage sanding equipment....

New lid.

And...the finished product!  Actually...this is where I'm living now.  Pretty darned nice and right in the middle of downtown.  I'm reluctant to leave....and I might not! 

My goal is to have the entire project finished in 30 days.  But then what?  Honestly, the jury is still out on this one, but I have several options.  Some have suggested that I break my lease and move into the house.  Financially, this would be a pretty good move but I actually LIKE where I'm living right now and I'm not in a hurry to move again.  The most likely outcome will be that I rent the house to a tenant.  The going rental rate for the area will more than cover any monthly expenses for the house and the positive cash flow will offset my current rent.  A final option is to simply flip the house when it is finished.  Flip?  In this market?  Actually a lot of people are doing it.  You just have to buy REALLY low.  Even after the renovation costs there's room for a reasonable profit even if I price the house very low to attract a buyer.  From a simplification standpoint, this would be the best option.  Sell, simplify and invest the profit.  I admit it's mighty tempting, but part of me still envisions moving in after my lease is up.  I suppose in the coming months, the best path will fall into focus.  In the meantime I've filled my life once again with sheetrock dust, construction dumpsters and coming home encrusted with the dirt and grime of full fledged home renovation.